A
gentleman came to see me who was extremely mad at his wife. “I hate to come
home from work,” he said, “because I know that when I turn into the driveway,
if my wife got there ahead of me, she will have her car parked smack in the
middle of the carport. I have asked her time and time again to please either
park her car to the left or the right of the carport, but no, she always parks
in the middle! We have two cars, and there is room for both in that carport.
But if she comes home ahead of me, her car is parked in the middle of the
carport. She makes me so mad.”
Every
night he has a decision to make. Either he will simply leave his car parked in
the driveway, or he will back her car out of the carport, move it over, and
drive his in. According to him, you see, his whole demeanor, peace of mind, and
joy depends upon a choice that his wife initially makes.
Is this
true?
This
man believes he is at the mercy of his wife’s choices. He is unhappily aware of
the fact that she knows what he wants, and won’t do it.
When
you know that someone won’t do something that is important to you, you have
some options. You can accept the person for who they are or you can resent that
person, become bitter, and dwell on the fact that there is something this
person isn’t doing that you want them to do, which can ruin your relationship.
A lady
was telling me about her husband who knew how she expected him to dress. Time
and again, when they went to a gathering where most of the men would wear ties,
he would come prancing out of the house in a sport shirt. This upset her, but
he always said, “Calm down honey, it’s alright.”
He was
an extrovert, one of those hand-shaking, back-slapping, loud people. She was
quiet and shy, and it always annoyed her when he acted that way. It got so she
could hardly stand him. This man had many wonderful qualities, but he was loud,
a back slapper, and insisted on wearing a sport shirt.
He
realized that she was upset, and decided to do something nice for her. He said,
“Honey, let’s go on a Caribbean cruise.”
A
cruise ship out on the Caribbean Sea in the moonlight does sound great, doesn’t
it? She liked the idea and figured the change in scenery would be good for
their relationship. What kind of a situation could you possibly get into that
would be more likely to bring the best out of you than being on a cruise ship
in the Caribbean Sea in the moonlight?
The
first night they were on board the cruise ship, he comes bursting out of the
state room in a sport shirt! She thought he should have worn a tie, but he
didn’t. They headed for the deck to socialize with some of the other
passengers. Her husband was the same hand-shaking, back-slapping, loud, joking
person he was at home.
She
told me, “You, know, I discovered something about me that night. I was my same
nasty self in the Caribbean as I was at home.” This was a startling discovery
to her, that her inner life did not depend on her circumstances!
If you
really want to be free, if you want to live a life of joy, you need to be aware
of the other people in your life. Every person has an agreeable side. But
everyone also has that other side, that part of their personality that is
annoying. Often what divides us is that we are antagonistically aware of the
annoyances of other people. And if we’re honest with ourselves, frequently the
issues do not really amount to much.
Here is
the key point: Your response to life is not
determined by people and circumstances.
There
is a key concept that can help us with this critical point. The apostle Paul
wrote in 1 Corinthians 3:1, “I could not speak unto you as unto
spiritual, but as unto carnal.” This
word from the King James version of the Bible is a significant word to
understand: carnal. Carnality, Paul says includes “envy,
strife, and divisions” (verse
3 of the same chapter). In other words, if there is envy of any kind, you are
annoyed, disgruntled, and/or jealous over someone else’s success, opportunity,
or wealth. Carnality includes strife, wrangling, scrapping, fighting,
disagreeing, and unresolved issues.
Which
are you: carnal or spiritual? Carnal–a life characterized by envy, arguing,
quarreling, striving, and unresolved conflicts; or spiritual–a person filled
with the spirit of God and a life filled with love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control (as described in Galatians
5: 2-23)?
The
people in the opening stories of this article are carnal. They may believe in
Jesus Christ, but they have not allowed His Spirit to change them. They still
want to have things their own way! In Ephesians 4:31-32, Paul tells us to “Let
all bitterness, and wrath and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away
from you.”
Isaiah
59:1-2 instructs us: “The Lord’s hand is not shortened that
it cannot save; neither His ear heavy, that it cannot hear. But your iniquities
have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid His face from
you, that He will not hear.”
There
are times when people cry out to God and He doesn’t seem to hear, and sometimes
it is because they are not approaching Him on His terms. What is it that
separates you from God? You might have tried to contact Him and it seems like
you can’t get in touch with Him. It is important for us to realize that we do
not get in touch with God by telling Him about somebody else, but by telling
Him about ourselves!
Isaiah
53:6 begins with, “All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned everyone to his own way.”
This
was the difficulty with the people in the stories above. The man said, “Park
your car to the side.” His wife said, “I will park it where I please.” The lady
said, “Please wear a tie.” Her husband said, “I won’t.”
You see
how true the Bible is! What is this dilemma? What is it that divides people?
All of us, like sheep, have gone astray. All of us. We have gone, everyone,
where? Unto our own way. Isn’t this the sweetest music to anyone’s ears, “Let’s
do it my way!”? This is the predicament: when we put two or more people
together, it becomes a contest. I want my way versus your way.
The
rest of the verse in Isaiah says, “And the Lord hath laid on Him, the
iniquity of us all.”
What is
the iniquity of us all? It is this strong drive in every person to have things
their own way!
So the
first step in experiencing true freedom is to come to grips with the fact that
you have a tendency to go your own way. There is actually a great deal of hope
in this, because you can admit to your own desire to want things your own way.
This is
why you need a Savior. You need to be saved from yourself, to be saved from
having to have your own way. You need Jesus Christ in your life. Jesus said, “Behold,
I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I
will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me” (Revelation 3:20).
Why do
you need to invite Jesus Christ to come into your life? So He can correct the
tendency in you to have it your own way. Until this is corrected, any little
thing you do not like about someone else can ruin your relationship. The
preparation for being a free individual, free from other people’s choices,
decisions, and actions, is to come to grips with this tendency in your life.
How do you do this? By admitting that you want things your own way, inviting
Jesus Christ to come into your life, and then asking God to forgive you and
give you the power to be able to live freely. Then, and only then, will you be
able to begin the journey to getting along well with others.
When
you invite Jesus into your life, He gives you the ability to accept the people
in your life for who they are. This includes their positive qualities as well
as their weaknesses. Contentment is a quality God will give you and His
contentment does not depend upon the perfect behavior of one of your friends,
your spouse, or your children. True contentment comes from God.
