CHRISTIAN VIEW ON MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE

 God, the Creator of humanity and of marriage itself, has laid out His plan for marriage as a lifelong union. God knows this design is the best. When we stray from His plan, as we have seen in the studies mentioned above, the results are damaging on many levels.

Unfortunately, the divorce rate in the church is comparable to that of the culture at large. Many Christians see nothing wrong with divorce, at least in their own particular situation. But the Bible clearly addresses marriage and divorce.

Marriage is the first institution created by God. God made the first man, Adam, but declared that it was not good for Adam to be alone. He then brought to Adam all the animals, which Adam named, but “no companion suitable for him” was found (Genesis 2:20, NLT). God was revealing to Adam his incomplete nature. God then created a woman, Eve, for Adam. He blessed them and their union and gave them the earth to rule over. (See Genesis 1:27-28.) The creation of marriage occurred prior to sin’s entrance into the world. It was a part of God’s perfect design for mankind.

Through the prophets, God emphasized three principles:

1. Marriage is sacred
2. God hates divorce 
3. Marriage is designed to produce children of good character. (See Malachi 2:13-16)

Jesus underscored the importance and sacredness of lifelong marriage in His own teachings. (See Matthew 19:6.)

The apostle Paul further taught that the marital relationship is to be an ongoing demonstration of the sacrificial love that Christ showed His church. (See Ephesians 5:21-33.)

Let’s look at this issue more closely. Specifically, what does the Bible tell us about divorce? Malachi 2:13-16 gives us a clear look into God’s heart for marriage:

Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because He was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. “I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel.

Jesus Christ reiterated the importance and permanence of marriage. Matthew 19:3-6 (NIV) says, “Some Pharisees came to Him to test Him. They asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?'”

“Haven’t you read,” He replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh”? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

Because, as an attorney, I’ve represented many people going through divorce, I understand why God says, “I hate [it]!” Divorce is the tearing apart of the foundation of all stable societies — the family. Sometimes, it’s necessary. Sometimes, it’s even unavoidable. (In Colorado, for example, if one spouse files for divorce, the other cannot stop it from occurring.) Nonetheless, it’s important that we in the Body of Christ encourage those in troubled marriages to seek counseling and restoration — because most divorces are neither necessary nor unavoidable.

But are there any cases in which the Bible allows divorce? Many Christians disagree about whether the Bible allows divorce and/or remarriage. If you are concerned about whether you have biblical grounds for divorce, you will need to commit the matter to prayer and study. You should also seek out counsel from your own pastor and, ideally, a licensed Christian counselor. The question of sin cannot be taken lightly. But biblical grounds may exist:

1. When one’s mate is guilty of sexual immorality and is unwilling to repent and live faithfully with the marriage partner. Jesus’ words in Matthew 19:8-9 indicate that divorce (and remarriage) in this circumstance is acceptable. That passage reads: “Why then,” [the Pharisees] asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries [or, ‘in order to marry’] another woman commits adultery.” (Emphasis added)However, divorce is not required. If your spouse has committed adultery, divorce is morally allowed, but not required. Many couples have been able to rebuild their marriages even after such a devastating blow.
2. When one spouse is not a Christian, and that spouse willfully and permanently deserts the Christian spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15).

Focus on the Family’s position is that divorce and remarriage appear to be justified in Scripture only in a few instances. There is a third instance in which we believe remarriage is acceptable in Scripture. That instance is when an individual’s divorce occurred prior to salvation.

If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, please pray carefully about your decision to divorce, and be open to God’s leading. (God’s heart is to heal marriages.)

If your spouse is the one deciding on divorce, you may not be able to stop him or her through current divorce laws. However, you can try to persuade your spouse to consider a legal separation first, which would give you both more time to consider the issue.

Pray that God will open the lines of communication between you and your spouse and that He will restore the love in your relationship. And pray for patience and a forgiving spirit. Try to resist the temptation to say angry words to your spouse or do things that would push him or her further away. Restoration does occur even in the most hostile circumstances, but it is more difficult when harsh words have passed between you.

Source: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/how-should-a-christian-view-marriage-and-divorce/

For youth about to settle down

My dear Jil, you are young. Don’t take life in gulps. Take it breath by breath. You can’t rush life. Life has its own pace. That is one hold life has over us. It is true we say: Do not leave till tomorrow what you can do today. But the corollary is equally true: Do not do today what you should do tomorrow. I do understand you want to accomplish, and that desire is driving you. But if you rush life you will make mistakes. And then your speed is slowed down. You’ve got to learn to pace yourself, to move sure-footedly in life. It’s better than a crazed rush.

Think of the man on a Lagos highway driving erratically at top speed to arrive fast at his destination. If he had an accident, that’s the end of the journey. Even if it’s a minor infraction he’ll still be slowed down. And if he kills someone he’s mired in trouble for years. He’ll need to defend himself against the charge of manslaughter. Our haste can cause accidents. And when we have accidents in life, journeys can come to an end. Even if we survive the accident we would have lost considerable time and momentum.

In the same way, rushing into relationship, or rushing into marriage – such haste have been known to create life disasters. Of course not every rush into marriage ends in disaster, but the probability is high. It’s the reality of speed. You’re trying to do too many things at once. You’re like the Lagos Danfo bus driver rushing everywhere in one direction. He gets into headstrong juvenile competition with other road users, even when it’s obvious there’s no basis for one. Take yourself out of senseless competitions. Go at your own pace, face your own programme.

When we rush senselessly, we forget to build capacity for the future we’re rushing into. The future will show us up. Get to know yourself. Get to know who you are. Get to know what you want. Get to know what you do not want. It does take some time to know these things but at least begin the journey to self-discovery.

Some things about yourself you’ll realise in retrospect. You can’t know them except you pass through certain experiences. It’s why you need to trust God, to commit your way to the Lord. Life is too large. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths, Solomon wrote.

As per this gentleman, the gap in age between both of you has consequences. His age will always be relative to yours. That’s not saying much older man / very young woman configuration can’t work. I am however worried by the fact you don’t really love him. That much is evident. You’re in love with the idea of loving him, you don’t love him. You want to play the life role of loving someone, of being responsible for a man.

You’re also moved by the fact that he was there for you at the start of your business. That is all well and good but the definition of husband is not “a business mentor.” And you don’t reward someone with your life just because he did good to you. There are other ways to show appreciation.

Here’s the danger in marrying someone you don’t love: You’ll be making yourself play a role, like an actress. That can only work so far and for so long. The love is simulated, it’s not real. It’s assumed responsibility. It’s the synthetic love of a young woman who wants to be in love, to experience adult love and affair. Life tests the quality of such love. Life tests marital resolve, to determine the caliber and purity of the love we espouse. And life uses a variety of means to test the quality of our love, sometimes through trials and temptations.

When faced with a credible option is when some realise the mistake of rushing into marriage. It’s then they discover what they should have wanted. And what they really want. Only then it’s too late. They realise they rushed in when their wants were hardly formulated, when their desires had no configuration. Either of two things then happens: they bear the pain in agony and silence, or they begin to punish their partner. The fact he does not deserve the punishment soon begins to trouble their conscience, creating deep conflicts. It’s a matter of time before both parties are dragged into depression by the gravitational pull of those inner conflicts.

Marriage requires maturity. And maturity takes experience, and the passing of time. And there is a level of maturity you can’t have without going through trial. There are things you can’t know in life without the passage of time. Some things can only come with age. A life tempered by trial has a chance to grow kind and compassionate, to seek to understand. It’s been there.

When a life of immaturity takes on the big issues of life, it generates foolish life-altering decisions. Sometimes, just a little patience allows life to demonstrate to us haste can be harmful. Someday, you’ll look back at life and thank God you didn’t take certain decisions. And someday, you may look back at life and regret taking certain decisions. The past can never be perfect. The past will always be full of stupidities, incorrigibilities, foolishnesses… The past is past imperfect.

The problem comes when we wish for perfect pasts. Then we’re full of regrets. The past can never be perfect. Judging the past is an exercise in futility. It’s a chronicle you can’t edit. It’s out of reach. But you do have the present to contend with. Try and avoid stupid mistakes, especially in the area of marriage. Nothing is as potent as marriage. It’s very deep, and it’s a highly spiritual and symbolic quantity. The stupid mistake of today creates the past we deeply regret tomorrow. Marriage is that area you can’t afford to make stupid decisions. It requires due consideration. Marriage is not something you rush into. It’s not a race.

Your mentor, LA

© Leke Alder | talk2me@lekealder.com

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Announcement:

Are you dealing with suicidal feelings, depression or mental illness? Have you been sexually abused, physically abused or raped? Are you grappling with sexuality conflicts or sexual & other addictions?

Are you a victim of domestic violence or struggling with divorce? Were you molested as a child or do you have a child who was molested?

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Fathers: Pray Fervently For Your Children

“I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those You have given Me, for they are Yours” (John 17:9 NIV). 

Jesus reflected the father heart of God when He prayed for the disciples. As a father, or mother, you can pray that your children will focus on the five purposes of God.

God’s five purposes for your children are the same as God’s five purposes for your life, and the same as the five purposes for the church. Jesus prayed for all five purposes in the lives of those He was leading. 

Jesus said, “I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those You have given me, for they are Yours” (John 17:9 NIV). 

We can pray that our children will live for Christ joyfully: “I say these things while I’m still in the world so that they will have the same joy that I have” (John 17:13 GWT). 

We can pray that our children will grow strong spiritually: “I’m not asking You to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one” (John 17:15 NLT). 

We can pray that our children will serve Christ effectively: “Make them ready for Your service through Your truth; Your teaching is truth” (John 17:17 NCV). 

We can pray that our children will experience fellowship personally: “My prayer . . . is that they will be of one heart and mind, just as you and I are one, Father . . . and the world will believe You sent me” (John 17:21 LB). 

We can pray that our children will bring others to Christ regularly: “I pray not only for them, but also for those who will believe in Me because of their message” (John 17:20 TEV). 

Even if you are not a father, or a mother, you will help others move toward the heart of God by praying for them and the purposes God has planned for their lives.

Source: http://rickwarren.org/devotional/english/full-post/fathers-pray-fervently-for-your-children

Biblical Marriage - Serving God, Serving Each Other

Any successful marriage is built upon the biblical truth that God designed each of us with five purposes in mind: worship, fellowship, discipleship, ministry, and missions.

You and your spouse were both shaped for serving God. The Bible says, "God has made us what we are. In Christ Jesus, God has made us to do good works, which God planned in advance for us to live our lives doing" (Ephesians 2:10, NCV).

God shapes us for service through a variety of methods, including the challenges you face in your marriage. We learn to be effective in ministry as we learn to serve our spouses, and learn, with our spouses, godly, faithful responses to life's problems and God's blessings.

Who could better help somebody recover from the pain of an addiction, a business failure, or a prodigal child than a couple who has been through these things and emerged with godly insights?

Could it be that the part of your marriage you regret or resent the most -- that which you've wanted to hide or forget -- is the very thing God wants to use as your ministry to help and encourage others sharing the same struggle? God doesn't just use our strengths; he uses our weaknesses, and even our failures!

"As for you, my friends, you were called to be free ... let love make you serve one another." (Galatians 5:13, TEV)

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Give hope, prayer, and encouragement below. Post a comment & talk about it.

BY RICK WARREN — MAY 21, 2014

Husband and wife; oneness in marriage

TEXT: GENESIS 2:18-25

INTRODUCTION: The union of husband and wife merges two persons in such a way that little can affect one without also affecting the other. Oneness in marriage does not mean losing your personality in the personality of the other. Instead, it means caring for your spouse as you care for yourself, learning to anticipate his or her needs, helping the other person become all he or she can be. The creation story tells of God’s plan that husband and wife should be one (Genesis 2:24), and Jesus also referred to this plan (Matthew 19:4-6). A study of the Bible pattern for the home is important. How should husband and wife treat one another? What are the duties of the husband, wife? How important are love and commitment in marriage? For what cause may spouses divorce and remarry? Who should exercise authority as head in the home? Who should provide family income and who should care for the home? How diligent should parents be in teaching and training the children? Who should care for elderly parents? God’s word gives inspired instruction to guide us to happy homes. If we are to enjoy God’s blessings in our homes, we have to know what the Bible says about God’s purpose for husbands and wives. In order to   experience matrimonial happiness, we have to live according to his plan. What instructions does God’s word provide to help us have homes that please Him and accomplish His will?     

THE ROLES OF THE HUSBAND

1. He must NEVER take wife for granted, but will honour and respect her as his equal (Read 1Pet.3:7) God commands the husband to treat his wife as an equal and grant her the highest honour! If not God says he will not answer your prayers! Selfishness is a marriage killer. For many men they think they are better than their wife simply because they are men. These men have made a serious judgment error. Husbands, tell your wife how important and valuable she is to you. Watch for the loving smile on her face when you do! The Proverbs writer said “An excellent wife, who can find? (Read Prov.31:10-12). Notice how the wise husband trusts his wife’s judgments and realizes how fortunate he is to have her.

(A) DISCUSS why many men disrespect their wives. (b) How may this be corrected? (c) Let the men in attendance at this meeting freely say what they expect their wives to do or be, to gain their respect.

2. The husband’s highest allegiance, except God, shall be his wife, not his relatives or friends (Gen.2:24)

Many husbands honour their blood family over their own wife. Such is a recipe for disaster! In-law problems are often the result of a husband who allows his mother and father to interfere in his relationship with his wife.

DISCUSS the limits the in-laws should be allowed in husband-wife affairs

3. The Husband should frequently tell his wife how important &valuable she is to him (Phil.2:3; Prov.31:10-12).

Selfishness is a marriage killer. For many men they think they are better than their wife simply because they are men. God gave women the authority to make important decision too: They are workers in and managers of the home (1Tim.5:14; Tim. 2:5). A wife’s judgment can be better than her husband’s. For example, Nabal and Abigail: 1Sam.25. Men should learn to express their appreciation to their wives.

When someone’s saying  “I love you,” he always ought to give a lot of details: Why does he love you? How much does he love you? When and where did he first begin to love you? And even though he insists it would take forever to count the ways he loves you, let him start counting.                                

 MEMORY VERSE: …..rejoice in the wife of your youth (Prov.5:18c NLT)

Church of Eternal Life Jos, Plateau state.